The Rodan Foundation

The Rodan Foundation’s Publication for The Love Awakening

June 2019 

 Our mission is to assist humanity in awakening to the power of love AND lovingly assist humanity in awakening.  Our intention is to help others help themselves awaken to who they truly are and to choose to use their powers for the greater good. Our vision is the collective awakening of humanity, bringing forth harmony and unity for all. Join us as we learn and grow in the ways of living love and loving life!   

5 Steps to Develop Self-Compassion and Overcome Your Inner Critic 

By Birghit Ohlin

Self-criticism is a common problem, and not one to be overlooked: the way you talk to yourself plays a vital role in well-being. Luckily, the problem of the harsh self-critic is fixable. This article offers five ways to help you overcome your inner critic by strengthening your self-compassion.  

Make Peace With Your Inner Critic

People generally try to hide their shortcomings in order to maintain a positive self-image. With self-compassion, people can actually increase their knowledge and clarity about their own limitations (Neff, 2003). It might seem like that could end in a downward spiral, but self-compassion has been found to be positively correlated with improved mental health and greater life satisfaction.  So what can you do to turn our inner critic into a gentle supporter? Traditional cognitive skills training has been found rather ineffective in this area. One 2010 study randomly assigned college freshmen one of three workbooks for depression: traditional cognitive, non-traditional cognitive, and academic skills (Haeffel). The study found that the participants who were high in rumination exhibited significantly greater levels of depression and that the cognitive training worsened rumination among the subjects (Haeffel, 2010). This study shows that rather than working on the cognitive level, the inner critic needs to be tackled in a different way: with self-awareness and understanding.

5 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion

Here are five essential steps to increase your self-compassion using internal and external resources:

Step 1: Practice Forgiveness

Stop punishing yourself for your mistakes. Accept that you are not perfect and be gentle with yourself when you are confronted with your shortcomings. You are valued by your friends and colleagues because of who you are, not because you are faultless. Become aware of times when you derive a sense of self-worth from performance or perfection. Understand that you do not need to be a certain way to be worthy of love. One way to remind yourself that you are worthy, even when you’re not performing well, is to put a sticky note near your desk or in your wallet with a message reminding you to be gentle and kind with yourself. “There is no sense in punishing your future for the mistakes of your past. Forgive yourself, grow from it, and then let it go.” – Melanie Koulouris

Step 2: Employ a Growth Mindset

At the heart of Carol Dweck’s research is the impact of our mindset on wellbeing. She found that whether we have a fixed or growth mindset influences our happiness. Do you view challenges as impossible obstacles or as opportunities to grow? Employing a growth mindset is more helpful. Embrace rather than avoid challenges, persist in finding meaning in them, and don’t give up on yourself. When you find you are criticizing yourself and negatively comparing yourself with others, try to find inspiration in their successes and strengths instead of feeling threatened.

Step 3: Express Gratitude

Feeling gratitude is very powerful (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Rather than wishing for what we do not have, there is strength in appreciating what we do have, right now. You can choose to write a gratitude journal or go for gratitude walks. By focusing on our blessings we employ a gentler inner voice and move the focus away from our shortcomings and outward to the world, with all its beauty.

Step 4: Find the Right Level of Generosity

Raj Raghunathan (2016) has identified three different reciprocity styles: giver, taker, and matcher. Givers are the most generous people, and generosity is a great way of employing compassion. However, givers can be both the most successful and least successful people, as they may fall into a pattern of selfless giving that ignores their own needs.

For generosity to work in favor of your well-being, it cannot be selfless. So, when being generous, make sure you are aware of your own needs before progressing. Then consciously choose the recipient of your generosity, the resources you have available, and your level of energy based on what will support your own well-being. Also, have fun being generous. See the difference you make and do not forget to give back to yourself. Doing good for others makes us happy, but only if it does not reduce our own levels of well-being.

Step 5: Be Mindful

Mindfulness has been found to have a positive impact on self-compassion, as it has a tendency to lessen self-judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 2014). Strive to always be in the moment and to be aware of what is happening right now, without judgment and labeling. Allow what you think or feel to have its moment; don’t give it the microphone or hide it in the corner. Allow it to come, and then, without attachment, let it go.

The Take-Home Message                                                                                               
You are worthy of love. So, next time you do not rise to the expectations you have for yourself, take a moment to pause and reassess. Be mindful of the difficult emotions that arise. Forgive yourself and recognize that you are only human. See if you can identify how to do it differently next time. Be grateful for the opportunity you had in the first place and for your persistence to try again. Finally, accept yourself. You are not perfect. And yes, you likely could have done better. But chances are, you did just fine. And often, that’s more than enough.

Certified teachers of The Love Awakening host the I Love Me Meditation series throughout the San Francisco Bay Area. Each one hour class is $10 and is to be paid at the time of the session. Please contact MaryAnn Gutoff for more detailed information: (650) 726-2882. 

Our Bay Area certified teachers also offer free introductory classes. Contact teachers directly for specific dates, additional days and times, presentations at your location, and follow our Facebook page for updates. 

                                     Upcoming June Activities and Volunteer Events! 

The Embrace of LoveTM

The Embrace of LoveTM is a guided meditation series which uses profound philosophy and gentle guidance to deepen your healing relationship with yourself as you are connected with the empowering presence of acceptance.  Listen to a free recording on The Love Awakening's website and discover more about our organization and activities: theloveawakening.org

Also....

Experience a video podcast of Rev. Clarke Carraway's inspired Presentation of Truth.

"Like" The Love Awakening on Facebook and join our community.